-The Modern Man is a hair-slicked-back, lumberjack shirt wearing, Spartanbeard grooming, gym membership owning, generic attempt at mirroring thelatest cover image of GQ magazine ? even though nobody has actually seen,let alone bought, this image. It is an image burned into the sub-conscious of a generation who aren't exactly sure how it got there in thefirst place. It is a class of men who, to varying degrees, are happy toproclaim their own grooming ? "manscaping," ? routine and how they use asmuch fake tan as their bronze-varnish-faced girlfriends.Sure, he Tweets ? a Modern Man has a firm opinion on everything. Trump,Rooney, Bowie. His irrelevant, politically-correct dogma is spewed out atregular intervals to an audience too self-absorbed to give two fucks. HeInstagrams his meals, he Facebooks the most mind-blowing or gut-wrenchingly funny videos doing the rounds on the World Wide Web. Likedogs barking and yelping in to the echoing night time, just hoping someother desperate fool out. I don't hit on the girls around here. I don't parade around drag. I just like the feel of pantyhose." Are you wearing panties too?" She interrupted."No" I replied."You little slut!" she laughed. "How long have you been wearing them?"The tone of her voice changed a little. It was more inquisitive, but still demanding. I was hoping that was a good sign."Well?" She asked again."For years, since I was a kid." I replied."How often?" As she continued her interrogation she began to circle me. I felt like prey."Most days during the winter, they help me stay warm. Not so often in the summer."Maybe I might be able to get out of this with out having to leave the state."Any favorites? What Colors?" Why so many questions?" I shot back."Answer the questions or I'll leave you in here without your pants, and I'll ask every secretary on site to get me some office supplies."So much for cutting this short."All kinds, colors." I mumbled."So you have quite a collection, I take it." Yes I have enough.".
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